Teddy Roosevelt was apparently a very wise man.
His quote, "Comparison is the thief of joy," is a mantra that has been ringing in my head for well over a year now. It may not sound very missionary-esque to say this, but it's really easy to be jealous of others here in Lupeni.
Perhaps it's because we live in a small community, with only a few foreigners, so it's all too easy to keep up on who seems to be most popular, effective, integrated, humble, and hospitable. Whose Romanian is most fluent. Who has the most local friends. Who sees the most effective and sustainable results in their work. Whose house is warmest in the winter ('cause that, I am telling you, is serious stuff!)
But really, I think it's perhaps because living in a culture that's not my own, in a country that's not my own, in an apartment that's not my own, has exposed all sorts of insecurities that were simply hidden back in the States.
I was always jealous and insecure. I just didn't really notice before, because I was always in places I felt accepted, loved, safe, and competent. Now that I am living in a place where I don't always feel those things, I haven't become some crazy person. God's just had the chance to point out that this same ugliness was always lurking under the surface.
Some days I miss the familiarity and comfort and security of our life in the States, in Grand Rapids, back among Calvin friends we loved and trusted -- not only because of their own goodness, but because of how that life made me feel. It was so much easier to be able to hide from my crazy ugly sin there... or at least replace it with a focus on other areas of improvement that didn't shake me quite so much to the core.
But in the last year or two, I think I've been making progress. I have moved from terror and grief at this new self-knowledge (think "weeping puddle on the floor") to this place of acceptance. Not acceptance of the sinfulness that's so deeply embedded in me, but acceptance that God's grace is slowly at work in my life. Acceptance of the pain of being changed, even if it feels like Eustace Scrubb getting his dragon skin ripped off, knowing that underneath is something a little bit closer to Godlikeness. Acceptance of the indisputable realization that God knew about that jealous-needy-angry side way before I stopped hiding or ignoring it, and loved me anyway. (In fact, he probably wasn't the only one who knew about it and loved me anyway...) Acceptance of this long, long road. Of owning up to my own sin. Of asking for forgiveness. Of fighting off jealousy. Of embracing gratitude and joy.
This other missionary writer really helped. Because he says it better than I could, I'm going to quote him here:
... I am getting better at formulating a second thought, which consists mostly of a prayer. It's not a complex prayer. In fact, it's only four words: "I'm sorry" and "Thank you." The complete prayer is this: "I'm Sorry. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you."
And somewhere in the midst of my prayer I smile. I smile because God is good, because God is working, because others have great stories to share, because it's not all about me, because smiling makes my face feel better even when my heart disagrees, even when the smile doesn't last very long.
It's like waving my arms above my head -- the "sorries" and the "thank yous," the prayers and the smiles -- scaring the birds away.
Saturday, November 21, 2015
Friday, November 20, 2015
19 degrees, baby (celsius, that is).
Our office got gas heating a week ago. We're happy.
Like, really happy.
Like, this happy.
We definitely made that face when we walked into the office and it was warm. I can now get to the office in the morning and take off my coat. Kelly isn't working under a blanket. We're not huddling ourselves around weak electric heaters. It's so great. We're more productive. In better moods. Don't go home freezing anymore.
So be happy too!
Like, really happy.
Like, this happy.
We definitely made that face when we walked into the office and it was warm. I can now get to the office in the morning and take off my coat. Kelly isn't working under a blanket. We're not huddling ourselves around weak electric heaters. It's so great. We're more productive. In better moods. Don't go home freezing anymore.
So be happy too!
Friday, November 6, 2015
In the news.
Romania's making international news!
It's a rarity, so we thought we should acknowledge it here too. Because this news is both tragic and hopeful, both terrible and full of promise.
On Halloween, a fire broke out at a nightclub in Bucharest. Apparently the band had decided to shoot off fireworks indoors, and the interior soundproofing materials which covered the club quickly caught fire. With only a single exit and pieces of burning insulation falling from the ceiling, things quickly turned into chaos. It didn't take long until the roof collapsed. Thirty-two people were killed on the scene, with another hundred-some taken to the hospital with critical burns and other injuries. Blame for this tragedy can be placed in a lot of places: on the nightclub owners, who allowed a band to shoot off fireworks in a place clearly not-fireproofed; on the fire marshal and other inspectors, who allowed the business to remain open despite clear violations of code; on a general culture of corruption and bribery that allows regulations to be enforced only for those who can't pay to skip over them. Romanians are furious about the event, and the owners of the club have been arrested and multiple officials have already resigned -- including the mayor of that sector of Bucharest, the interior minister, and the prime minister, Victor Ponta.
Since Sunday, there have been protests happening across the country. On Wednesday I was on the bus for much of the day, returning to Lupeni from a conference, and the reporters on the radio just kept adding to the number of protesters they counted in Bucharest's University Square -- by 10pm it was well over 30,000. Many of the protesters are young, and they're sad and furious. "People shouldn't have to die for us to deal with these issues," President Klaus Iohannis said. But in this case, people did die, and the horror of it has Romanians on the streets.
It will be a long road to truly arrive in a place where democracy and rule of law function without corruption -- I'm not sure there's a country anywhere in the world that's truly corruption-free. But the level of obvious corruption in Romania has had terrible consequences, and we are praying that the protests will lead to some serious and profound changes.
We've seen signs saying Bunicii la război, parinții la revoluție, acum este rândul nostru! -- or in English, "Our grandparents had the [world] war, our parents had the revolution [to end communism], now it's our turn!" It might be true -- this might be the wake-up call that this generation of young Romanians need to truly get involved in making their country a place they want to live. But please join us in praying that there will be wisdom, and patience, and prudence along the way. A lot of people died in the war and the revolution. Pray that no one else will die in this fight -- and especially that hope for an end to corruption would stay alive.
It's a rarity, so we thought we should acknowledge it here too. Because this news is both tragic and hopeful, both terrible and full of promise.
On Halloween, a fire broke out at a nightclub in Bucharest. Apparently the band had decided to shoot off fireworks indoors, and the interior soundproofing materials which covered the club quickly caught fire. With only a single exit and pieces of burning insulation falling from the ceiling, things quickly turned into chaos. It didn't take long until the roof collapsed. Thirty-two people were killed on the scene, with another hundred-some taken to the hospital with critical burns and other injuries. Blame for this tragedy can be placed in a lot of places: on the nightclub owners, who allowed a band to shoot off fireworks in a place clearly not-fireproofed; on the fire marshal and other inspectors, who allowed the business to remain open despite clear violations of code; on a general culture of corruption and bribery that allows regulations to be enforced only for those who can't pay to skip over them. Romanians are furious about the event, and the owners of the club have been arrested and multiple officials have already resigned -- including the mayor of that sector of Bucharest, the interior minister, and the prime minister, Victor Ponta.
Since Sunday, there have been protests happening across the country. On Wednesday I was on the bus for much of the day, returning to Lupeni from a conference, and the reporters on the radio just kept adding to the number of protesters they counted in Bucharest's University Square -- by 10pm it was well over 30,000. Many of the protesters are young, and they're sad and furious. "People shouldn't have to die for us to deal with these issues," President Klaus Iohannis said. But in this case, people did die, and the horror of it has Romanians on the streets.
It will be a long road to truly arrive in a place where democracy and rule of law function without corruption -- I'm not sure there's a country anywhere in the world that's truly corruption-free. But the level of obvious corruption in Romania has had terrible consequences, and we are praying that the protests will lead to some serious and profound changes.
We've seen signs saying Bunicii la război, parinții la revoluție, acum este rândul nostru! -- or in English, "Our grandparents had the [world] war, our parents had the revolution [to end communism], now it's our turn!" It might be true -- this might be the wake-up call that this generation of young Romanians need to truly get involved in making their country a place they want to live. But please join us in praying that there will be wisdom, and patience, and prudence along the way. A lot of people died in the war and the revolution. Pray that no one else will die in this fight -- and especially that hope for an end to corruption would stay alive.
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