Life with Bumb.

Our relationship with our IMPACT kids is growing up. As are they. As are we.

When we started at IMPACT 1, we thought we would be with high schooler, doing more intense, interesting, thoughtful projects, having conversations about college, jobs, sexuality, music, hopes for the community, stuff like that.

We got 5th graders instead.

For the first 3 months I wanted to quit, but I knew that eventually I would care enough about the kids that my desire to work and play with and help form them would win out over my desire to run away from them. That sense of care wins much more often these days, unless I'm really tired and need a break from everything, not just 13-year-olds. I've come to love them more and more.

When Bumb first stared coming to IMAPCT, we knew that he was different from the other kids, mainly because they all stayed away from him. He would hit them, call them names, sometimes make threats, and nobody likes that. We really wanted for him to stay in the club--he said that his dad was on disability pay for a mental illness, and that he doesn't talk to his mom. Obviously something is wrong at his house, and IMPACT could be second family for him. That's difficult when he lashes out at the other kids, not always out of anger, but sometimes just because he thinks it's funny and doesn't know how else to get attention. And our kids, like most anyone, wanted him to leave, so he wasn't getting any friendship out of IMPACT.

Things got better when we started sending him home from meetings. He realized that IMPACT, this time that he held so dear, could be taken away from him if he didn't act like an IMPACT member (trustworthy, compassionate, participates in IMAPCT activities...), but also that at least Kelly and I wanted him there because we expected him back the next week. It also gave us a chance to talk to the other kids about how they treat Bumb. They would usually yell at him or hit back, so we explained that his actions are bids for attention, and by responding to negative bids, they reinforce the negative behavior. We asked them to begin to accept him, which has led to many of them kind of ignoring him, but a few trying to engage with him (with varying degrees of success).

Bumb is by far the most reliable IMPACT member where attendance is concerned. He'll come on building clean-up days, gets to meetings 30 minutes early, even stops by the office to make sure we're still doing IMPACT. While we can't always understand what he's saying (mumbled slang is still beyond our Romanian abilities), we hope that by listening we're giving him someone to trust. Whenever we can understand that the mumbles are about him skipping school or fighting, we reiterate that that's not going to help him in the future or the present, and that we expect better from him. We offered to try to help him in school for a while, but then his grades improved. It looks like they're slipping again, so we may dig that offer back up, though neither of us is sure if we have the time or ability to really give him the help he needs. He needs a good school counselor and teachers who are willing to work with him more individually. And IMPACT. His odd little family that still accepts him, even if most of the kids at school stay away from him.

Thanks you for asking about him over Christmas break, those of you who did. Kelly and I feel often that we don't have a whole lot helping us in this situation. A bit of youth work experience and some patience, and hope for him to apply himself in school and to learn how to constructively interact with other people. Your questions about him and prayers are so welcome.